A former Channel 4 star has stunned fans after returning to social media to reveal her boyfriend died suddenly - and to expose the devastating year of grief that followed. Jess Megan, the model and activist who appeared on Channel 4's Bring Back The Bush in 2020, broke a four-year silence this week with a raw video documenting the months after losing her partner, Olli. For many viewers, it was the first time they learned why Jess had disappeared from public view.

The video, shared on Thursday, is made up of 12 short clips - one for each month of the year Olli died - charting her emotional and physical decline in unflinching detail. It begins with carefree moments while Olli was still alive and ends with Jess admitting she didn't know if she could survive another year. Weeks earlier, on February 4, Jess had spoken publicly about Olli's death for the first time during an appearance on the Distraction Pieces Podcast with Scroobius Pip. There, she revealed that her partner had died without warning.

"I adored him," she said, explaining how "deeply in love" she was. Jess recalled getting a phone call from Olli's flatmate, who told her he had died. She explained it was "sudden adult death" and that he went to bed and never woke up.

Her Instagram video shows the brutal reality of what followed. After Olli's death, she appeared with a bloody nose and admitted she was sleeping on his grave each night. April and May showed her in tears. By June, she said she hadn't left the house for months.

Jess admitting she stopped speaking to people and began drinking heavily. In August, she described herself as being "out of her mind". September saw her smoking up to 40 cigarettes a day.

In October, she ended up in hospital after a heart attack. By November, she said cortisol had "blown everything up", leaving her unrecognisable. December ended with a stark confession that she "couldn't do another year of this".

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Alongside the video, Jess shared a long caption explaining the chaos of grief. "Grief is manic and ungracious. I'd never felt so insane," she wrote.

"For the first time ever my mind felt like a locked box, with me on the outside." She described losing control of her behaviour and daily life.

"I was walking to the shop bare-footed in a bathrobe and telling anyone who would listen that my boyfriend was dead. "Then I would drink a box of wine and smoke thirty cigarettes until I couldn't keep my eyes open."

She said she documented her breakdown so she wouldn't forget how bad it became. "To remember how deeply and irrevocably f****d I was, and that if I managed to survive this then I could survive anything."

Despite the darkness, Jess ended with a message of hope for others. "What I want people to know, is that there is a way out. "If losing Olli has taught me anything, it's that we really do have such a short time here."